控制好自己的情绪,才是给孩子最好的礼物

来源:爸妈精读      日期:02-14 21:46     浏览数:6016次
控制好自己的情绪,才是给孩子最好的礼物

作者:女公子99(爸妈进化论主笔)

之前在微博上看到一则新闻:

在上海,一位小女孩被妈妈扔在了地铁站。

小女孩一个人吓得站在原地大哭,哭得上气不接下气,满脸通红。

原来,孩子的妈妈给孩子辅导作业,但由于小女孩的记性不好,经常是说完后面的就忘了前面的,日积月累,这才导致了妈妈的情绪大爆发。

在民警进行调解过程中,这位母亲情绪仍旧很激动:“这个孩子我不要了。”

所幸最后,经过民警的调解,母女两人消除了矛盾。

从视频里看得出这位妈妈很生气,可不计后果的把孩子扔在地铁里,涂了一时的情绪发泄。但不知,孩子的内心有多恐惧与无助。

有句话说:“父母之爱子,必为其计深远”。

深爱孩子的父母,想尽一切把最好的给孩子。却不知道,有时候在自己引以为傲的教育里,不经意间撒给了孩子情绪的毒药。

教育学家尹建莉说:“你对孩子发的三分脾气,会对孩子造成七分伤害。”

那些情绪化教育孩子的父母,不仅会阻碍孩子身体的健康成长,更容易对孩子造成心灵上的创伤。

01

父母的坏情绪,影响着孩子未来的性格

记得有一次,我外出早餐店去吃早餐,刚刚坐下。就听到一位爸爸在大声的凶孩子:“你到底是要包子还是油条?”

孩子怯生生地低着头没有言语。

“你哑巴啊!赶紧的,就要迟到了,说啊!”

孩子看上去不知道选择什么。

或许是被当爸的骂懵了,后来从牙缝里挤出几个字来。

没有人知道他说了什么。

这么一点小事,就拿孩子来开火,明显是把自己的情绪往孩子身上倾泻,看着孩子小小的背影,不禁感到心疼。

而在我们的日常生活中,经常听到大人们这么苛责孩子:

你怎么这么笨啊?这点小事都做不好!你脑袋里装的是什么?这么简单的题目都不会!你笨到家了,那些分数都不知怎么考来的!别哭了,再哭就不要你了!

长期被这样责骂的孩子,是会缺少自信的。

而在孩子的心里,情绪不定的父母,就像一个大魔鬼,叫人不由自主的害怕。

电影《狗十三》里有一句台词说:“你看,这个孩子好懂事啊。”

这句话的背后,你怎么知道她是沉默、恐惧、还是无可奈何呢?

著名的导演姜文曾在做客《十三邀》的时候也表达过,小时候经常因为妈妈不高兴,而变得很没自信。

教育家袁铭阳曾说过:“父母的情绪暴力,对一个孩子的伤害是致命的。

父母的不良情绪,会在不知不觉中转移到孩子的潜意识里,化成一颗种子,镶进性格里。

随着孩子的成长,这颗种子会长成一丛高高的杂草,成为性格里的缺陷,会不断的干扰着孩子的抉择、思维和情绪。

而教育里,最大的悲剧是,父母的情绪,孩子来买单。

02

父母的坏情绪,会让孩子缺乏安全感

著名心理学家武志红说:“孩子就是父母的接收器,当父母不安时,孩子就会立即警觉;当父母放松时,孩子立即感到愉悦。”

由此可见,孩子对于父母有着天生的依赖感,孩子的安全感来源于父母。

曾在知乎上看过一个问题:父母情绪不稳定对孩子的心理健康影响大吗?

其中最高赞也是最扎心的回答是:

小时候父母争吵的画面现在还记得,导致现如今的缺乏信任感、安全感,心智不成熟时时甚至想过以自杀结束。

过于敏感多疑,习惯性猜测人的内心,且把自己的性格习惯向对方希望的方面贴近,十分害怕被讨厌及忽视,易产生孤独感,经常压抑自己,甚至扭曲。

在这条回答的下面,却有上百人的感同身受。

其实很多父母在孩子面前毫不保留的给孩子传导坏情绪,孩子会逐渐的变得“懂事”,但是“懂事”的背后却是默默的承受,是弱者的求生。

蒙台梭利曾经写过一句话:我们对儿童所做的一切,都会开花结果,不仅影响他的一生,也决定他的一生。

小时候,老家的一个邻居,父母离婚了。但她的性格似乎没有受到任何影响,我几乎是见证她从双亲变成单亲孩子的。

她的父母离婚像是和平分手,不动声色,从来没有过一次大吵。孩子跟了母亲。父亲走的时候整理了很多衣物,都是她母亲一手收拾的,离开的时候,还互道珍重。

但在那之后,她父亲每周都会过来看她们,有时还单独带她出去玩。

这个孩子,性格情绪基本没有受到很大的影响,每天还是开心的上学、放学,我们还经常一起玩。

这个邻居就是我的闺蜜,如今她有一个非常疼爱她的老公,生活幸福。

其实父母的情绪稳定,有时比父母恩爱更加重要。

情绪稳定的父母,带给孩子是一生的安全感和幸福感,也能让孩子用更温柔的力量去对待这个世界。

03

父母的好情绪,才是给孩子最好的礼物

一位老师的朋友曾和我聊天时说过,在她接触的学生家长里,她发现那些父母的性格温和,情绪稳定的。

孩子的笑容更多,幸福感更强,抗挫折能力也更好,同时礼貌和教养一个不缺,并且看待世界也更宽容。

而那些性格强势,情绪阴晴不定,动不动就对孩子大吼大叫的父母,他们的孩子常常表现出自卑、不自信,以及缺乏一种对世界最起码的安全感。

为什么?

心理学家斯霍勒博士说:“婴儿在出生时,已经有了一套情绪机制的基础了。

但他们并不会管理自己的情绪,而是通过与父母的互动,去进行参与,并在无意识中学会母亲的情绪管理方法。”

其实原生家庭的相处模式,会直接影响着孩子。

有时候父母在情绪失控下,有意或无意间的言辞,就是一把尖刀,狠狠地刺在孩子的心间,流血不止。

所以,父母的好情绪,是送给孩子最好的礼物。

那么想要避免坏情绪伤害到孩子,父母应该注意以下几点:

1、 意识到负面情绪的行为是错误的

在养育孩子的过程中,难免会因为各种事情而出现情绪崩溃。

但我们作为大人,首先应该有这样的意识:我们的负面情绪是会伤害到孩子的。

可在日常生活中,很多父母根本就没有意识到自己的错误行为。

有一位网友说:他在家里要控制住一切。

当孩子让他难以控制,比如吃饭拖拉,或孩子拒绝收拾玩具时。这位爸爸就呵斥孩子,有时还要殴打孩子。

他觉得教育孩子要树立“威信”,否则孩子就会得寸进尺。

可是,殊不知他的愤怒情绪会伤害到孩子的自尊,同时也会致使父子关系恶化。

所以,要意识到负面情绪行为是错误的,这是坏情绪父母自我改变的第一步。

2、 情绪爆发时,及时按下“暂停键”

有时候,人的情绪难以控制,当愤怒到来时,苛责辱骂就会脱口而出。因此,在这个时候,要及时按下暂停键。

那么如何给自己按下“暂停键”呢?

首先意识到自己的生气行为时,给自己一个三秒钟的思考时间,询问自己是和自己的情绪生气还是因为孩子的行为生气。

当停下来询问自己的时候,左脑理性思维就会介入,负面情绪也会得到控制。

其次也可以在情绪爆发时候,暂时的离开孩子或者出门走走,给一个平复心情的暂停键,愤怒情绪也会变得无影无踪。3、让孩子感受到无条件的爱与信任

绘本《我永远爱你》中有这样的对话:

阿力:如果我把画画的颜料洒在妹妹身上,你还爱我吗?妈妈:我永远爱你,不过,你得负责给妹妹洗澡。阿力:如果我把枕头弄得羽毛满天飞,你还爱我吗?妈妈:我永远爱你,不过,你们得把羽毛收拾起来。

这个故事里的妈妈,不厌其烦的告诉并保证永远爱孩子,但是又不忘告知孩子,你要为你的行为负责任。

作为父母应该要明白,给孩子无条件的爱并不等于溺爱,爱孩子和立规矩从来不是单选题。

所以,在教育孩子的过程中,不能因为孩子的一些行为从而用不爱了作为威胁。

要明白,父母对孩子无条件的爱,才是孩子成长路上最好的盔甲。

电影《怦然心动》中,女孩的父母吵架,吓到了她。

后来父母两人轮流开导女儿,告诉她:“无论怎样,爸爸妈妈都爱你。”

之后还给孩子一个拥抱,化解了孩子心里的不安全感。

永远不要低估了父母情绪对孩子一生的影响。

《孩子,请把你的手给我》一书中写道: 我们不但要有一颗爱孩子的心,也要懂得如何去爱孩子。

我们不仅要爱孩子,同时也要给孩子一个情绪稳定的父母。

有人说,坏情绪就像病毒,不但让自己生病,还会危害他人。

所以希望每一个父母都不要让病毒蔓延,还自己以及孩子一个健康的环境。

但愿每一个孩子,都能在幸福温馨,和谐美好的环境里自由快乐、内心平和的成长。

作者简介:安女公子99,富书专栏作者;一名混迹于医学江湖的文女子,孩儿妈,专注亲子教育,和孩子一起成长;本文版权归富书所有,未经授权,不得转载,侵权必究,富书2018重磅推出新书《好好生活》

图片源于网络,版权归图片所有者。

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